and so little time.

Just had to write something as I've been not here(not gone, gone would be gone) for more than a week.

As the title of this entry suggests, I have a lot of things to say and a lot more to do. I hoped that this Friday, I would be able to relax for once. I wanted to finish my Chinese homework early this week, so I could just sit back after a hard week at school, listen to music, watch some shows or movies, sleep well...UGH. Why are these things so unachievable for me? Why are these things just so far out of my reach no matter how hard I try?

I need to find time to write about PR, school, and the other craptastic shits of life.

to the stress, the late nights, and the hecticness that only school can bring.

(There's nothing to go back to second period. It's pretty much been the same)
Back to studying for other classes and otherwise completely ignoring the teacher in stupid, boring third period.
Back to fun laughs in fun fourth period.
Back to doing almost nothing in monotonous fifth period.
Back to second lunches in somewhat enjoyable sixth period.
Back to being loud in hateful seventh period.

Back to Palo Rancho after 9 months. Back to the fun card games at meets. Back to the joyous practices. Back to the great friends. And best of all, after ONE day, back to swimming.

Miracles happen at finals. But not for me.

We dominated. At least, JV girls did. Out of the eight competing schools, EV got third. Varsity girls got fifth place. I've no clue what the boys got, but I know they didn't do too well. It was a really sad day for the JV boys, because 9 guys didn't even bother showing up for finals. So all their relays were cut. I know it doesn't affect the girl's team, but it does affect our school. It makes us look bad and completely undedicated. Like a bunch of lazy pigs. Oh I can't wait to see Danica chew them up and spit them out as if they were worthless, pathetic nothings, which they sort of are. I guess I can understand the predicament of the JV juniors because some had SATs to study for, but then, look at Vivian. She got two hours of sleep due to cramming for SATs, and she still came to finals and managed to improve her 50 Fly time by 6 seconds!!! Come on boys! We're a team, remember?!

Ugh. If only I could get my hands on them...

So, I went to Live Oak yesterday fully expecting to relax for the beginning half of finals and swim my ass off for the relays during the second half. My dream was crushed when I saw the line-up. I was put in all four of the events i swam on Thursday. The results on Thursday weren't the final results and line-up D: i was devastated. My plans were crushed.

50 Free- 32.81 improved by .13 seconds from 32.94 ):
50 Fly- 39.97 improved by .36 from 40.33 (:
100 Free- 1:13 again...

Well, the first half of the meet was once again, the best time of the meet for me. My times improved by a few milliseconds. The later half, of course, sucked. My 50 Free time (for the relay)went back to a 33 and my 100 Free stayed the same, again. For the third time in a row, I got 1:13.

I was really hoping that, before our season ended, I would get a 1:12, the requirement for Varsity. You can imagine how I felt and how I'm still feeling about that.

After our 400 Free Relay, my friends said the first line of this entry, and well, it made me feel even worse. Because miracles don't happen to me. Not those kinds anyway, not the ones where one strives to reach what one wants to reach and actually gets it. Because I did try my goddamn hardest. At least, i felt like I did, but maybe I didn't.  I've noticed that there are people in this world who succeed at whatever they do (of course, not EVERYTHING because no one is perfect, but most of the things they do). I'm just not one of them. I try so hard, and still, I fail. I'm one of those people who has no talents and no skill, who can't do anything right. Yeah? Yeah. Never had anything, never will have anything.
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I've got some friends some that I hardly know
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world

That's what the people on the swim team are to me. Friends that I don't personally know, but friends that I've shared some great times with and wouldn't trade for anything. Ever.

These past few months on and with the swim team has been a great experience. One i wouldn't trade for the world. I feel like I've changed from February to now, both physically and mentally (BUFFER THAN ALL THE GUYS xD JK). Nothing drastic of course, subtle changes, but not so small that I don't notice them.

I've met a lot of new people, made a lot of new friends, and became closer to a lot of old ones.

Jordan, thanks for being so supportive. You're catching up, and I KNOW you'll get Varsity next year. I'm so glad i met you. Sierra, I'm still going to kick your ass. Georgette, it's okay that you stepped on my hand and cut it. You were very caring and I really appreciate the kindness you've shown me. Jaelien, we still need to 69. I feel like our friendship wouldn't have survived or rekindled if not for the swim team. Pauline, you pink stick. Elizabeth, you are awesome on the 500. If it didn't completely exhaust you, I'm sure you'd have been even better on it. You can do it (if your sister lets you that is). Christine, thanks for your undying encouragement.  It really made my day when you told me you had high expectations for me. Michelle, you're too fast.

Samara, I HATE YOU (:

And of course, M-A-R-R-I-S-S-A GOOOOO MARRISSA!!!!!!

There are more of you guys that I'm really thankful for. I'm eternally grateful for the support you've all shown me.

Gosh, we really are like a family aren't we? We're there for each other at every second(at least, MOST of us are). We're always there to cheer for each other and to give positive and much needed words.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you all next year whether it be on JV or Varsity.

Of course, I'm making this all out to be much more nicer than it really is. But, why would you want to degrade something that you love so much?

Guys Girls, I <3 you all.

*I sort of lost direction of my post near the end*
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Well you know what? PR. That's what. That's all. That's all it's going to take. For me. For me to kick ass. For me to get better. For me to make miracles happen instead of chewing myself up for not making them. When you're swimming, you have three opponents: the water, the opposing team, and, strongest of all, yourself. You are your biggest enemy. And you are what you need to beat. You are what you need to overcome. And you are what you need to make miracles happen.