Take a Breath and Dive

x&y

2008-07-22T20:10:42Z

I accidentally woke up at 6:30 yesterday. The first and last Mondays of morning swim practice I wake up late. Coincidence? I think not!

I have a hunch that practice tomorrow will be focused on Butterfly. Today was all about Breaststroke, and Monday was centered around Back.

I like independence. I wish I were more independent; I hate relying on others. I've probably depended on people so much that it's starting to sicken me. I'm such a bother.

5 More Days

2008-07-21T17:24:07Z

-_-

I got my ribbons today. I knew I did terrible, but seeing those two 6th places made it ten times worse. At least Martin didn't get all blue ribbons this time. (: But he better get it at Champs.

Coach put up another list of suggested events, this time for Champs, and 50 Back, not Fly, was listed under my name. Of course, I hate Back and suck at it, so I crossed it out and replaced it with my less suck-y Fly. At least, I think I'm better at Fly than at Back. Well, if he wanted my to give Back a try, he should have changed my events for the Los Ranchitos meet and not Champs. It's too last minute; I've been swimming the same events since our second meet, and I've grown used to the routine. Changing it for Champs could mess everything up.

Someone who is hated by a certain someone is making the certain someone who hates him/her something. *cough*

Who's not stoked for the sixth HP movie? If I were who I was last year, I'd be half-dead from giddiness. Too bad I'm not (or maybe it's a good thing). I'll probably still watch it in theatres, but I'm not awaiting it with high hopes.

Can you believe it's been a whole year since the last HP book came out?! (for HP fans)

My left shoulder hurts when I move it.

COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLDPLAY
-----
4:53 PM
I already mentioned this before, but I'll say it again: I hate it when people give me more credit than I deserve.

Jaelien thinks I'm so damn smart; she even called me the smartest girl in all of Panes classes. That is the biggest overstatement I have ever heard. So I get good grades; does that mean I'm smart? Smart enough to know that grades are vital to my future, sure. But grades shouldn't be the only thing people should judge smartness by. How about ability to interpret, think logically and rationally, and amount of knowledge? Quick wittedness, clever, keen - those are also aspects of "smart". (Alright, so these could be part of the reason for good grades, but with the teachers i've had so far, it is most definitely not.) And truthfully, I'm not any of those, and it's irritating to keep hearing people praise me for being smart. I'm not saying i'm dumb, retarded, or anything along those lines. It's just I'm not that smart. I'm an average kind of smart person. That's it. That's all. Nothing more. Something less at times, but usually that's me. That's where i stand - in the middle. Just average.

Bloop

2008-07-21T00:47:41Z

I need to be more efficient. This summer is whittling away faster than I'd like.

I'm looking for a camera that can get good shots at concerts. Just in case...

I got a loooot of sleep last night, but I was still a bit drowsy in the afternoon. ): I guess last night didn't make up for all those lost hours.

Championships in t-minus 6 days and then no more swimming. No more getting up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 and dragging my lifeless body to swim practice. No more of Coach's mindless drivel and painful voice. No more. But while those are the pros of the end of PR swim season, there are also some cons such as no more meets and not being able to see my swim buddies everyday until the start of school. ):

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

It Was Okay

2008-07-20T00:13:59Z

Both yesterday's concert and today's meet.

So, in the end, I had to go with my mom to the Coldplay concert (Jaelien's dad wouldn't let her go which I sort of already knew but I wanted to give it a shot anyway). And while it was seriously, mind-blowingly amazing, it felt surreal. Maybe it was the seats (Section 215 Seats 22 and 23 - the best I could get with the limited time I had in regards to price and visibility). Maybe it was my companion. Maybe it was the rushed feeling i got during the whole thing.

I was extremely disappointed when Jaelien couldn't go with me. When i asked her, she was so excited. It was freaky. And just today, I found out that Jordan likes Coldplay. And I never thought of asking her. )):

I didn't bring a camera because one, I don't have one (and my cell phone one sucks; it can't zoom at all) and two, I didn't want to risk my aunt's camera getting confiscated.

My excitement was punctured by my mother's un-enthusiasm. And also by the fact that all of this was so last minute I didn't have time to be excited and to anticipate it.

Sometimes, I get overly vivacious, which would have been perfect for last night, but it just wasn't one of those times. My inactive state may be attributed to my concert partner. I can't get all wild and crazy with my mom around.

Looking at the way the arena in the HP Pavilion was set up, the floor or sections 114-116, 128, and 101-102 would have been the best seats. But hey, it's okay. So I didn't get to see them so well (okay, not well at all; they were so small!), but the music was wonderful. Except for Speed of Sound; it sounded like he was having trouble singing it.

The lights that flashed to match the beat was awesome. Putting the confetti with the lights was just breathtaking. It was beautiful.

I was so afraid they weren't going to play Fix You. BUT THEY DID.

Damn, concerts are unbelievably loud.

I knew 90% of the songs. (:

And some of the songs they played that i didn't like when I first heard them prior to the concert, I grew to like after hearing them played live.

The opening bands were okay. Their drums were louder than the singing. -_-

It ended at 11, but Coldplay came on at 9:30. That was only an hour and half of pure goodness. The first half hour was dedicated to a local band, the next was for Shearwater (another opening band), and the half hour before Coldplay was set up. i was internally screaming for them to hurry the fuck up.

I only bought a program for a damn $20. But I wanted a memento. Of course, a T-shirt would have been a better choice, but it was $35, and the ones online were $5.05 cheaper! Haha...I wanted a bag too. That's another reason I didn't want to go with my mom - I can't go shopping crazy and buy whatever I want (but I know my limits too).

Chris Martin was being (sort of) eccentric what with a somersault and moving up and down the stage with bizarre dance moves (if what he did can even be considered dancing). And Will sang Death Will Never Conquer. He has a nice voice.

All in all, it was an amazing concert with an amazing band, but I thought it was okay. Only I can go to such a incredible concert and say it was okay. Gosh, I'm such a pessimist.

I need to get closer, bring a camera, find someone better to go with, and possibly bring ear plugs next time. If there ever is a next time.
~~~
We lost this meet. AGAIN. Expected. AGAIN.

I deproved my Fly and Free times by one second each, and my I.M. improved by 0.1 seconds. This meet was pretty bad, but many good laughs made it better. Much better. Jordan, Jaelien, and I talked a bit. Scott was being his usual, random, amusing self. Charlene had Alyssa spray paint/dye her hair green to show support for the team and Alyssa did it over her eyebrows, and she looked so ridiculous, I cracked up. I was bent over from laughter. And when Jaelien and Scott came up with this silly antic, I couldn't help myself. They are so freaking comical - I love hanging with them. I screamed myself hoarse. It was good fun. (:

Oh, and Irene came today. Though most of the time, she just sat there and read, being her antisocial, uncool, insane self.
-----
8:56 PM
THIS IS NOT OKAY.

TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN; IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING. MY GOD, THE FREAKING INCONSIDERATION. YOU PEOPLE AREN'T THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD ALRIGHT?! YOU PEOPLE AREN'T THE ONLY ONES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD SO HAVE SOME FREAKING RESPECT AND LOWER THE DAMN VOLUME.

IF YOU WANT TO CRANK IT UP SO LOUD, PLAY SOME GOOD MUSIC, NOT YOUR INCOHERENT CRAP.
-----
9:23 PM
They turned it down. It's better, but I can still hear a bit of it. It's starting to get annoying again.

Coldplay is awesome. Their music is indescribably heartwarming (I would like say the same for the band members except I can't - even though I can - because obviously, I don't know them).

I should hit the hay soon. I haven't gotten an adequate amount of sleep this past week.

Now that this whole concert ordeal is over with, I can get back to concentrating on the genuinely important, but maddeningly mundane WHAP.

I think I'm going to buy the "VIVA LA VIDA" CD.

Those Who Are Dead Are Not Dead

2008-07-18T21:22:04Z

It's rapidly approaching, and once again, there's a faint glimmer of hope.

I'm not feeling any of that excitement. This whole thing seems almost surreal to me; I don't think the fact that I can go has fully registered in my brain yet. Of course, I could just be stopping my hopes from flying too high in fear of being brought down again.

do the impossible, see the invisible, row row fight the power
touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable, row row fight the power
(I just looove these lyrics. Epic. Totally, completely EPIC. Just like Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Mixing rap and opera was brilliant. And the movie is coming out!)

Got 'Em

2008-07-18T05:33:24Z

But now I'm faced with the other problem. What to do, what to do... If all else fails, I'm going to have to ask my ___. And even then I don't think she'll want to and make my ___ go with me. And plus, they'll want to know how I got them in the first place, and if they get angry, they might not let me go at all. But if I had someone who was willing to go and could go outside my family, then there's a likelier chance they'll let it slide this time.

And there's the meet against Los Ranchitos on Saturday.

I Think There's Something Wrong With Me

2008-07-17T03:19:27Z

Making promises to myself and never achieving them is something I frequent in.

Martin turned up 20 minutes late, which according to Courtney and Coach, is an improvement. You really can't trust anything he says. And K-Li accidentally took his white shirt thinking it was hers into the girl's restroom. He was pretending to be timid and gentlemanly by not going into the restroom, when in actuality, he wanted to go in sooooooo bad. (SORRY K-LI) I'm half joking. Anyway, she came out, he got his shirt back, the end. Oh, and he was trying to get Victor to go in and get it for him.

I've been putting unnecessary stress on myself. This whole thing has been more tiring than a whole school year. Endless hours searching for a solution have messed up my priorities.

Bladder explosion.

Life sure is interesting.
-----
9:30 PM
omfg

La La La

2008-07-15T17:35:00Z

Martin got told off for always being late to practice. LOL. I wonder if he'll show up on time now.

Coach put up a list of "suggested" events for each of us, meaning he thinks we should try certain events that we probably haven't swam yet. I got the events I've been swimming so I'm okay. Except this goes to show that my Back and Breaststroke aren't that good. ): I already sort of new that though.

Unlike most of the teenage population, I am not anticipating HSM 3. I found the first two movies mediocre and have no desire to watch the newest (yet-to-be-released) installment. I am lost as to why so many people love it. But I also have no why i don't like.
-----
2:50 PM
What have I gotten myself into? Why do I always do things on the spur of the moment? Why can't I relax myself enough to think clearly?
-----
10:53 PM
I need more sleep.

While doing things by myself does leave a higher sense of confidence in my abilities, it makes it harder to ask anyone for help since no one knows what I've done so far.

Insomnia

2008-07-14T13:18:22Z

I got in bed at midnight, dozed for half an hour, woke up to toss and turn for an hour till 1:30 AM, read until 3:30 (because just lying in bed wasn't getting me anywhere), fell asleep at 4, and woke up at 5:30 AM to get ready for swim practice.

That makes my total sleeping hours a whooping 2 hours.

Today will probably consist of headaches, frequent or long naps, and crankiness. But at least I know I'll be getting my sleep tonight.
-----
9:12 AM
Fucking Martin and his "blue ribbon" streak. How the hell does he manage to get first place in every event he swims??!! It's inhumane! I've never gotten a blue ribbon in my life (well there was this one time for a science fair project in seventh grade...but I'm talking about swimming here so that doesn't count). Or maybe I have. For a relay, but NEVER AN INDIVIDUAL EVENT. I got a few second places for relays and individuals, but that's still not on par with that son of a b***h. asdfghjkl. All those blue ribbons...

So I picked up my ribbons for Saturday's meet as well as Encore's meet a few weekends ago.
Encore:
200 Medley Relay- 2:30.15 First
50 Fly- 38.41 Second
100 IM- 1:27.65 Third
50 Free- 33 (FLAT) Second
200 Free Relay- 2:18.47 Second

Of course, this was against Encore so those don't really matter as much. No offense to Encore.

Westgate:
200 Medley Relay- 2:35.77 (because JANET wasn't there, and I had to swim Fly) Second
50 Fly- 37.7 Third
100 IM- 1:24. 89 Fifth
50 Free- 32.86 Sixth
200 Free Relay- 2:09.88 (DAMN, we got 9 seconds better!) Second

So, looking at the results, I'm probably going to die at championships and not get a place at all. Yay?

I'm going to go dig out those old ribbons now.

And Coach talked for forever. There's always a post-meet talk on the Monday after a meet. He just can't shut up. He's so garrulous. He says the same things over and over again in this pretend, wannabe pep talk way, trying to make us feel better about getting smoked by Westgate, trying to motivate us to do better, trying to convince us that we can beat Westgate (when in actuality, it is impossible). It's so boring and his voice doesn't make it any better. And the echo. The echo was annoying. Having to sit still and hear him babble on and on about nothing for 45 minutes with only 2 hours of sleep was torture beyond torture. We wasted 45 precious minutes listening to nonsense.
-----
1:39 PM
I've yet to take a loooooooooong nap to compensate for my lost hours of sleep. I'm practically trying to prevent myself from nodding off right now. doing APWH homework while trying to stay awake is nigh impossible.

I picked up Fat Boy Swim as my next book. The "swim" piqued my interest...and the fat boy part...the fat boy who gets bullied and mocked for his large size and inability to play football. How can I resist a good laugh (or a few ones at that)?

Perhaps I should slap myself real hard to wake myself up. You'd all like that very much, wouldn't you?
-----
6:41 PM
I caved in to nonexistent pressure and took a one-hour nap. And I was still sleepy after that.

Chapter 3- Classical Civilization: India CLEAR. I'm still really behind schedule on my WHAP homework. And I'm a few hundred light years behind my friends. ):

The weather has been improving. No more scorching heat and perpetual sweat.

I just stuffed down two Chocolate Chip granola bars. I've been craving them for a while now, but I thought we were out. Luckily, I was wrong. (:

So, finding someone to go with me has been booted from first priority to be replaced by acquiring tickets. There's more people in this world than there are tickets for this concert. I should have thought of this earlier. Why am I always so slow?

I want to do something fun.

wo ai ni, ai zhe ni, jiu xiang lao shu ai da miiiiiiiiiiiiii

Meet

2008-07-12T20:57:28Z

We got our asses handed to us. Again. As we expected. But we didn't do too bad.

I swam my usual events:
200 Medley Relay: 50 Fly (because of JANET who had to go to ice skating practice during our relay; otherwise, I'd have swum 50 Free)
50 Fly: 37.7 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
100 IM: 1:24 (dropped 3 seconds, but still not good enough)
50 Free: 32 or 33
200 Free Relay

We got second for both relays. (:
I was in the second heat of Fly and got first. (and overall, I got third place for 13-14 50 Fly!!)
I got fifth in heat one of I.M. (I thought I was going to be last)
I got first in heat two of 50 Free. And right when I got to the block and tried putting my goggles on, they snapped on me. -_-' And I just bought them yesterday too! What a rip off. We're going to exchange it for a new one. So I needed to borrow someone's real quick because I couldn't fix it, and the first person I saw was Martin, who unfortunately has a puny head. So his goggles came off when I dived in. So I swam with his goggles hanging on my face, somewhere around my mouth. And I flip-turned sort of late, and my feet made contact with the wall real hard. But I still got first. (:
And later for the free relay, I borrowed T-La's.

We were so close to winning the 15-18 relays for both guys and girls. It was the last 50's that brought us from first to second. But it was still fun screaming our heads off. My voice got hoarse after all that cheering. And Charlene made this crazy cheer.

They keep entering my times in wrong. I would have been in heat one for all my events if they put in my best times.

Sierra! She said she was going to come late because she wanted to skip warm-up, and we needed her for our medley relay, so I called her and she said she just woke up (actually, I think my phone call woke her) and wouldn't be coming. She said she was "sick" when in fact she's going to a party. We had to get Esther to swim with us.

And Jaelien wasn't at this meet. She's visiting her grandparents in some far-off place.

Strawberry Shortcake is the best after a meet.

Kewl

2008-07-11T20:48:32Z

Why do people find it cool to type "kewl"? Or liek dis.

So I've been pondering endlessly on this ordeal and have a pretty good picture of what the ending will be like. Of course, I'm still hesitating and am liable to change my mind. I am indecisive. I think too much. I make mountains out of molehills. For me, it's always "what if...?". I fear regret. I despise it. That's why it takes me just about forever to make a decision. I have to, absolutely have to, consider every aspect of whatever it is I need to make a choice on. I have to look at the pros, the cons, the shades of gray (if there are any). Everything (that i can think of). Regret is something that I don't want to have.

I'm going to stop my ranting there. It's getting me nowhere.

I'm behind schedule on my WHAP homework. I've got to kick it up notch.

And whenever I watch American's Best Dance Crew (or whatever that show is called), I hear the judges say the same things over and over and over and over again, just worded differently. It's almost always something along the lines of "you guys just took it to the next level". And it's all positive feedback. Maybe I'm just too cynical, but I believe that criticism is also necessary. They couldn't have been perfect; there will always be things that need to be worked on, there will always be flaws here and there, and to achieve something great, it's those faults that need to be noticed and improved. I don't watch a lot of television, so I don't know if this is always the case for such shows (except for American Idol and Mr. Simon Cowell). Anyone care to enlighten me?
-----
9:25 PM
I'm still not making much headway with APWH.

I just got back from Valley Fair/Westfield. First, my parents, bro, and I went to ThinkTank (a Chinese program school thing) to ask a few questions about SAT-prep courses for my brother. It seemed a respectable place. Then, we went to the mall. I'm still not sure about our true purpose, but i think it was because my brother wanted to buy some clothes with a $10-off coupon. So he added two more jeans to his already large and more than enough collection. I also wanted to find a new swimsuit (mine is all loose and draggy again...) and new goggles (because I somehow lost my old ones and am currently borrowing Charlene's), and we had to travel to the other end of the mall to the other Macy's. And along the way, they (as in my parents and brother, or mostly my brother) kept going into random stores to look at this and that even when they already knew that we were short on time (my dad has to get to bed early since he wakes up at like 4 AM everyday for work). By the time we got to Macy's and discovered that they only had leisure swimsuits, it was around 8:30 PM. So we had to rush to get my goggles and swimsuit. And they were all irritated that we were cutting it close, and my mom got snappish with me when I was picking out my swimsuit, sort of directing all her anger on me when in fact, it wasn't even my fault that we had so little time. They spent so much time just looking around, window-shopping that I barely had time to think about my purchases. I was the only one trying to get them to hurry their butts up, but my words and actions never register with them.

I bought two swimsuits and a pair of goggles. I'm most likely going to return one of the suits; I only got two because i wasn't sure what size would be the better fit, though practically all swimsuits can fit every body.

And I needed these because we have our meet v.s. West Gate tomorrow.

Though it sure doesn't feel like we do. Usually before a meet, there's this anxiety mixed with excitement and anticipation. But that pre-meet feeling isn't there.

My dad is a scary driver. When there's no need to go fast, he drives at a snail's pace, and it's so frustrating. But when we need to hurry or when he feels we need to hurry, he goes super fast, past the speed limit and cutting traffic lights. And at night, when he does that, it's terrifying.

Epiphanies

2008-07-11T03:38:44Z

happen circumstantially.

I look Filipino because of my really tanned skin. I'm sort of proud of my tan (for unknown reasons), but when I see my swimsuit tan lines, asdfghk. It's bad. Terrible. Horrendous.

I am not one to maintain long-distance friendships.

Another wonderful Coldplay song has been added to my mental "favorites" playlist: "In My Place".

Here's an outline of my day: nothing.

WiiFit, here I come.

Detached

2008-07-10T03:38:27Z

I feel detached. Lost. Out of it. Hopeless. Dead.

I don't know what I should do.

But I do know this: "You're the One" by Shiny Toy Guns is awesome. (:

I just did a 180 there.

No Idea

2008-07-09T03:21:05Z

Absolutely no idea what to do now. For the second time(or third?!) during this whole ride, I'm at a loss. Having just hit another roadblock, I can't find a way forward.

9:53 PM
After talking with ___ and a few other people, I'm feeling slightly better, though not enough to assuage my fears.

Two major disappointments in a day. I though I had another shot when I asked Michelle. But no luck. Julie's parents and her parents both said no.

Now, I think my only option left is family or relatives. My last resort...

My last chance...Pray for me?

If You Love Me, Won't You Let Me Know?

2008-07-08T17:23:04Z

Bleh. I just finished one of my mini-naps.

I'm tackling sections 1-3 of chapter 3 today.

It's amazing how late some people can sleep. I cannot imagine what it would be like to sleep at like 5 AM (because I have stayed up till 4:30 once...those darn vignettes) and wake up during the afternoon. And they like it. Or they choose to live like that. It's unfathomable. Ever hear of maintaining good health, people? Sure, there are those who have no choice due to work or some other matters, but those who have a choice shouldn't do that.

I'll be off to Judio's house later today.

I Know St. Peter Won't Call My Name

2008-07-07T16:39:40Z

Strangely, I sort of already knew that it was a hopeless feat. I had an inkling that this time, things wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to. But that's okay. I didn't let my hopes get up too high, so my fall wasn't as hard.

What's even stranger is that I'm not getting all panicky. I know there's still a chance for me to go, however slim it may be. I'll figure something out. And next time, I'll make sure I'm on top of things.

But I still need an answer from Julie. It's been a week, and I need to know if I have to find someone else or if I can purchase the tickets right now.
------
11:02 AM
Derrik was messing around with the Wii. I cleaned it up and made him cry. Then I laughed.

And this led me, as well as other recent thoughts and actions, to realize that I'm a bit sadistic.

But I guess it's a normal part of human nature, right? We derive pleasure from agonizing others. Guilt may accompany some light teasing. But others may find straight-out, cruel ridicule entertaining. Or physical abuse.

He's still crying for his dad.

It's remarkable how discreet we have to be to kids. We need to deceive them, alter reality for them to get them to do this, stop that, etc. The way we tell them things and the things we tell them provide them with an escape from the laws of the world; they live with false truths, and though that's all dandy (and certainly tempting), eventually they'll learn that what they've seen as facts for their whole childhood is mostly lies. Doesn't that almost make you sick: that we have to create illusions for the most innocent form of humans? But we've really no other choice. There's no way we can resolve anything by just yelling at them; they're too young to understand, too young to know what's right and what's wrong (or to be more accurate, what's perceived as right and wrong). So the only option we have is tricking them.

And what if they don't realize that their reality is actually fiction?
-----
2:18 PM
I think I'm high on nothing.
-----
5:37 PM
In a couple of hours or maybe even less, I will be able to declare my victory at having triumphed over Chapter 2 of WHAP homework.

Stupid Judio won't pick up her damn phone. I guess I'll guess that she doesn't want me to go over tomorrow. Haha. All the better for me.

Today has been another draggy day. This week is going to be blazing. This month will pass by quicker than a wink. This summer vacation will melt my brain to gush.

Look, it's a bird. It's a plane. NO, IT'S SUPERPAN. Peter Pan in tights with a cape and a huge S on his non- existent, manly chest. Yeah I'm definitely high.
-----
10:32 PM
I accompanied my mom to JCPenny's to return a shirt. We walked. -_-' i figured we wouldn't make it to the store before it closed, but we got there with ten minutes to spare. The stroll there was okay, but the walk back was HOT. And inside JCPenny's, that place was like a cool haven from all that exhausting heat.

I finished Chapter 2! Finally!! (((:

Now, if I've time, I shall go read "Amazing Grace" which isn't that amazing, but it's okay.

Here Is An Entry

2008-07-07T03:53:06Z

for the sake of an entry.

My brain is currently functioning at zero percent. Oh wait, that's what it's always at. Make that -100%. Do I even have a brain?

I have fallen in love with "Fix You" and "Yellow". (((:

I prefer "Speed of Sound" over "Clocks". And apparently, I'm not the only person who gets all nostalgic upon hearing "Speed of Sound". YAY Heck, practically every Coldplay song(that I listen to) evokes some sort of sad feeling in me. ): But that's great at the same time knowing that their songs can stir emotions and bring them forth. It's almost...beautiful.

There's a show called American Greed?

The Olympic Swim Trials have ended. I barely watched it. ):

I like to sing...LOL. When no one is around to hear my terrible singing.

"Happy Birthday America. Thank you for the freedom and liberty you've given us...now, let's get back to ruining you. There's a new show called Wiped Out that let's contestants injure themselves while we laugh. I told you it was a great country." [So I'm two days late. Bite me.]
-----
10:15 PM
With three weeks of summer vacation thrown in the trash, let the productivity begin (tomorrow).

Stupid Fireworks

2008-07-05T06:26:54Z

Stupid fireworks caused a multitude of displeasures for me.

I finished my shower a while ago since we just got home from fireworks and my aunt's pool party. We stayed there for 8 freaking hours. It was eventful at the beginning, and then it got dull. As it always does.

People kept trying to persuade me to get in the pool and swim for them (since I'm the only one in the family who swims competitively?). I couldn't understand why though. They said they wanted to see some "pro" swimming, and I told them to go watch the Olympics. They said I should swim because we've an accessible pool and I need to swim? I retorted saying that I swim enough on regular weekdays. Losers. They thought I didn't have my swimsuit. Though that came to be because I lied to them. I had everything I needed in the trunk of my mom's car. And no one ever found out. (:

I ate too much today. But KOREAN BBQ!! Extremely fattening, but delightfully appetizing.

Pain in the bottom back-half of my leg. it feels like it's beating, like a heart. I hope I don't get another one of those pain attacks in my leg...It's an inescapable pain - I can't get comfortable in any position, and though it only lasts for less than a minute, it leaves a slight tingling in the general area that makes it awkward to move. And makes me afraid to move it in fear of destroying my leg.

I should get a camera this weekend if i want to get pictures of next week's meet against West Gate. We've, once again, absolutely no chance of winning. It's depressing.

Still waiting for an answer.

I'm pooped.

Are You Lost or Incomplete?

2008-07-03T20:35:43Z

I cannot get enough of Coldplay's songs. Certain songs, like "Talk", "The Scientist", "Trouble", "Fix You", "Clocks", "Speed of Sound", "Don't Panic", "Violet Hill",and of course, "Viva La Vida" to name them all. (: I need more.

I think I'll leave this page open and just keep adding onto this as the day goes on. That way, I don't go overboard with entries.

Or maybe not. Maybe I'll add onto this entry and save it every time because my aunt is over, and I don't want any relatives reading my LJ. Except Johnson, not that I want him to read it (or don't want); he's just read it before. Is he reading this right now? o.O

I'm already getting tired of Facebook. I've gotten verified for the EVHS network, so I need not worry about it getting disabled like it did last time, but I kind of want to be.
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3:56 PM
It's certainly interesting how Chaboya kids at EV are infinitely smarter than Quimby kids. Maybe smarter isn't the right word for this. Intelligent. More intelligent. They're like the iTouch to us (old)CD-players, much more enhanced in just about every (essential) aspect. But why? Is it a issue with our teachers? I've always found Quimby teachers to be too lenient, too easy. Those A's we got were only 50% our work. Or is it an issue with the ethnic groups that live in the general, sort of like the environment? I've noticed that Chaboya has plenty Chinese students(I don't mean to be racist or egoistical). Perhaps it's a problem caused by the lack of extracurriculars? Not that I'd know how many activities and such Chaboya has/had. Or maybe it's all Papa Smurf's fault? I think I should stop before I hurt anyone's feelings. xP

Julie, Julie, Julie, what's taking you so looong? ):

This seems to be an efficient way to blog when i have millions of things to say. Blogging in one entry (at different intervals of the day) whenever I get an urge. Why did this never occur to me before?

Mmmmmmmm. My aunt is getting married on December 28 this year. A wedding smack between two of the biggest holidays of the year. I've made it a point to be busy on that exact day so I don't have to be a/the bridesmaid. Me in a dress? Inconceivable. Of course, my childhood days don't count. I didn't know what I was doing; I had to listen to my family or risk getting smacked with a stick. I went to my dad's friend's wedding once in pants; I figure I should be allowed to do the same for this one. But I know I'll be forced to going in a dress in the end. UGGGGH. Maybe I should break a leg. Commit suicide (or at least attempt it and make it bad enough so i won't have to go). Burn my face (so it's worse than it is now, if that's even possible) so no one would want to take any pictures of me. Brilliant ideas, cyroblues. Unfortunately, none would work and leave you with any merits. Well, other than not having to go to the wedding, or wear a dress, or have pictures of me IN a dress taken. But the permanent consequences are heavier than benefits. I bet you didn't have a single ounce of doubt in your mind that I wouldn't do any of those things while reading it.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm going back to the start.

And now, it's 4:42 P.M. So I spent almost an hour working on this entry. And eating part of a sandwich (a tasty sandwich) and melon and listening to various Coldplay songs. (:
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9:27 PM
I am seriously, seriously tired of waiting. Are these people completely incompetent? I ask her to do a single thing, ask a simple question, and after two days, STILL NO ANSWER. I am frustrated. I think I've already gotten that piece of info across, so why won't she act? And if she did, why won't she tell me? We don't have time for all this. asdfghjkl. Come on people; I don't ask for much, and when I do, I expect some cooperation. You'd feel the same. So why, why, why can't you just give me a damn direct answer so I can settle this irritation and get going? (you may notice that I switch from talking about one person to more than one person; it's to confuse you. yeah, I hate you that much, whoever you are that's reading this.)

I've never been much of a patient person, but I think I've been pretty good...until now. She's pushing my buttons. I don't think she means to, but UGHHHH.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to WHAP myself to death.
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11:00 PM
WHAPing myself to death was a complete and utter failure which should be evident given the fact that I'm currently typing this. All my WHAP attempts are falling flat. DD: What will I EVER do?

I've never held much pride for the Fourth of July. I guess since it's all history, I don't care for it. I'll probably get gunned down for that remark. -_-'

Pool party at my cousin's/2nd aunt's pool/house tomorrow at one in the afternoon. I don't think I'll get in the water. I need to keep my dignity! Not that I ever had any in the first place. I just don't understand myself sometimes. I guess it should be fun. There will be food that looks delicious and reeks, and food that looks delicious is not at all edible, and people I don't know, and people who I know but don't want to see. All this makes for a great party. I'm soooooooooooo looking forward to it. I wish the time would fly by, like when you sleep, that I'm going to go read a book and pass time slooooooowly. If my mom allows.

(So that probably made no sense at all. Don't worry if you didn't get it; it's just my cynical, humorless humor. Your sanity is still there. My sanity, on the other hand, should be questioned.)

Buenos noches, amigos.

HAH

2008-07-03T07:08:49Z

I haven't stayed up this late since school ended. Interesting. But now, I don't feel like sleeping. There's nothing to look forward to tomorrow. I'm not waking up to anything. I'm not going to iateeyou's house after all. She's going to the company her mom works at 's pot luck. And I've said it plenty of times before, but I'll say it again: that pig.

So I was sort of right not to get my hopes up. We can't really trust a lot of people in this world. What was that quote from Eureka 7 again?

"Don't ask for it, go out and win it, do that and you will be rewarded."

Something along those lines. It fits. But there are times you have no choice but to depend on others. You can't do everything by yourself, no matter how many people claim that "anything is possible".

I've got to get to bed before my mom comes out of the shower or I'll be dead meat (haha, haven't used that phrase in a long time. dead meat, dead meat, dead meat. alright, i'll shut up and get to bed now).

Wasted

2008-07-03T00:38:59Z

Wasting days has become the only item on my summer schedule. Unintentionally. Wait, I have swim practice, but that's only for an hour and half. Definitely not enough to be considered something.

iateeyou is forcing me to go over tomorrow (for her sexual gratification *cough*). Ew, I disgust myself sometimes. We haven't planned out anything like what we're going to do; If we waste our time, it's better than me wasting it alone? I suppose it does feel better to share things, even if it's boredom. And don't think it won't be boring. Nothing can even be remotely exciting with her around. Trust me; I speak from experience.

I cleared a few chapters of Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie today. I'm finding it more enjoyable now. The part where Mr. Franka taught his English class about the different viewpoints in writing was amusing. The way the author switched viewpoints when Mr. Franka enlightened the class about each one was really something. It was different. Unique.

Our "fun day" was okay. Vicky entertained us with stories(and her constant flatulence, only because she kept warning us beforehand). Jaelien and I as well as a few others watched some of the Olypmic swim trials from I don't know what year. I found out that Andrew is like Sara, in eigth grade, and that he goes to Quimby. AND THIS YEAR WAS MRS. MCNELIS' LAST YEAR AT QUIMBY. DDD: And I never went to visit her. I'm such a terrible ex-eigth grade student. But, seriously, if Ms. Grall was still a teacher at Quimby, I'd be a regular there. ):

There was food, but not good food. Some people played water polo and some other games in the pool. We had fun...and then we went home, and then I had no fun.

With no swim practice tomorrow or Friday, should I sleep late tonight? But I want to get up when the house is still quiet, so I probably shouldn't.

I have my fingers crossed. I have faith in her, but this time, I feel as if it's a lost cause. Hope with me that I'm just being too pessimistic.

I

2008-07-02T05:47:04Z

WHAPed to no success...again. Well, I did get a little done, just not as much as I'd have liked. More WHAPing tomorrow. DDD:

I don't have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow. HURRAH. More than 6 hours of sleep for me tonight/tomorrow morning. :DDD We're having a fun day. They'll serve us breakfast, like pancakes and juice, and we'll have the pool to play in. I'm not that excited about it actually, because Jordan and Jaelien won't be there. I don't know if Sierra is going to be there either. These past two days have been a lot less fun without Jaelein or Jordan. i'm so used to seeing them at swim practice almost everyday, and they add tons of humor.

My dad doesn't have work this whole week...Not to be mean or anything, but I don't like my dad home 24/7. I don't hate him, not at all. Maybe I'm used to only having my mom around, or maybe my dad can be such a pain sometimes.

The MV for "Talk" by Coldplay is so weird. It fits the song, yeah, but it's so out there. I love the last part though. Nice twist. And the band members' faces. It seems fake, but it's still funny. (:

My aunt said she might be able to get me free tickets O.O The company she works in is really connected; TechCU does lots of sponsoring, has a lot of sponsors(for events), and has access to quite a lot of information and free stuff. I'm not letting my hopes get up though.

My computer has been on for about 14 hours. It's terrible. Half the time, or 1/3 the time, I'm not even using it. I'm either helping my mom take care of my cousins, eating, showering, or doing something else. I didn't want to turn it off, because I was waiting for someone's answer, which they still didn't give me yet. ): I don't want to keep dragging this.

And Now

2008-07-01T20:25:39Z

since I don't watch anime anymore (or do anything fun for that matter), I can freely read those anime blog posts from those ~~darn~~ anime blogs that scream interesting. Liberation leaves a wonderful feeling.

I'm regretting ever making that Summer To-Do list. I always get so ambitious, and after a while, that ambitiousness diminishes. Even worse, when I look back at the lists I make on my bursts of ambitions, I feel hollow inside and shame that I didn't complete what I set out to do.

I guess it's time to get going with WHAP (or APWH or whatever other abbreviations there are for World History AP or AP World HIstory). WHAPing. It's time to WHAP. It's time to get WHAPing. Makes me think of whipping...

But this anticipation is driving me nuts. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I need an answer now, so I can plan ahead. If it's a 'yes", I can go get the tickets, and if it's a "no", I can find someone else. There's so little time for all this; every second counts. Godamnit Sierra, why didn't you show up at practice today?!

Zetusbou-shita.

...

2008-07-01T18:50:59Z

My god, this is taking a lot out of me, and I'm not even doing anything. Fucking summer. Someone throw a brick at my head and knock me out (and take a few brain cells along with pieces of my scalp). Wake me up when summer ends(reminds me of "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Greenday). But I'm not looking forward to a new school year anymore than summer ending. Just the thought of AP World History, Spanish 2, English 2A, Chemistry is enough to give me a headache.

I want someone to talk to. Someone who I can feel at ease with, not having to worry about saying something stupid or wrong. Is that why I always talk to myself?

My feelings of nostalgia erupt when I listen to "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay. It's either because I remember that one time I watched it on MTV a few years ago or it has this nice melody that's not too soft, but soft enough to get you reminiscing about your younger days.

I don't want to talk about it. I have a feeling that talking about it is an omen; I've been left with enough depression from this situation. I don't need anymore.

I can never stick to one thing for too long. Boredom is the dictator of my life.

And I've halted my House summer marathon and all my anime viewings. See? I just proved my above statement.

Birds go flying at the speed of sound, to show you how it all began...

Coldplay

2008-06-30T02:35:54Z

I remember watching this on MTV years ago. And I found it again just this weekend. I was so shocked. I thought it was really weird back then, but now, I <3 it. (:

I am addicted to "Viva La Vida" and Coldplay. They're going to be at the HP Pavilion on July 18, a Friday, and I want to go so badly. But all the tickets for the good seats are taken and the other tickets are so damn expensive. I wouldn't mind, because I rarely spend any money, but my parents are going to be the ones paying. I mean $400 is really a bit too much for a single ticket to a concert that will probably only last a few hours. Heck, $200 is too much for me. My family isn't rich, I'm not spoiled, and we need to think of the future. So, I guess I'm not going. Gosh, I found this out on Friday, and the prospect of being able to see Coldplay live made my day. But yesterday, when I took a look at the tickets available, I was in a state of despair. ): I still am. But it's okay. I can't let myself stay like this. Stupid optimistic thoughts. I would say what most people would say in a situation like this, but I've noticed that whenever I think something, the opposite happens. Maybe I just think about impossible things.

I would be keyboard smashing and CAPS ranting if I didn't do that earlier on AIM. Be grateful.

Anyway, this puzzles me. In some arenas, there's seats behind the stage. What's the point of that? Who would sell tickets to seats like that? Why would people sell tickets to seats like that? Who the hell would be idiotic enough to even pay to sit at seats where they couldn't see the act? Isn't that the whole point of a concert - to see the preformance? It makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe some people are infatuated with some celebrities that they'd do anything just to be in the same room/place as them. And the people who sell it probably just want to rake in the money. I know why arenas/stadiums are built like that, but why sell tickets for seats where people can't see the attraction?!

I saw this video on Youtube with Chris Martin signing autographs. There was a huge, excited crowd of people, most with their cell phones out, snapping photos of him, and papers for him to autograph. It made me wonder how he really felt about it all, seeing tons of fans all jostling to talk to him, take a picture of/with him, and get his autograph. He was smiling; he seemed happy, but if it were me, I'd be a bit freaked out. Is it true happiness he's showing, or is it just to make us think it is? This sort of goes back to my previous post about it's almost pathetic the way we, the common people, revere celebrities. We do whatever we can just to get a glimpse of them, to hear one word issue from their lips, to see them in real person. It's pathetic...I digress. Sort of. What I'm trying to get at here is what the other side is like. We, the fans, are on one side, and the celebrities are on the other, and we've no idea what it's like for them. Are they also excited to meet us all? Or are they a bit scared(I'm not implying that they're chickens or anything like that)to see so many people lined up just to see them? Is their kindness just a facade? Do they also think we're pathetic? This isn't meant to be just about Coldplay; it's a general thing.

Can we really trust them when they say "thank you" or "we love you" (as you know, fans)? Is the "thank you" for listening to their music and loving it? Or is it for buying tickets to their concerts and supplying them with cash? In interviews, most seem authentic. We want to believe them; we want to believe that they're good people who care. But do they really? However honest they may seem, is it really a lie behind the scenes? Is it all just for publicity? Are we all just naive? I think that there are some out there who are real people under all that cash and fame. I don't know the ratio of genuine to fake, but I'm willing to bet that there's more fake than genuine.

Why do I ask so many questions that I'll never get real answers to? Why can't I just write my thoughts out in actual sentences instead of in interrogative sentences? What is wrong with me?! OOO, I can answer that one: EVERYTHING.

I'm not content with this entry. I know there's a lot more I wanted to say; I just can't find the right words. Blah, blah, blah. But I do feel much better about the whole Colplay concert thing.

And all this ranting may have been brought on by my inability to go to the Coldplay concert (can inability be used here?). Who knows? Though I've touched this subject before. So maybe my current predicament shed some more light on this topic.

Oh, and the sun has been looking like it does at sunset all day. It's creepy. First the red sky, now this. What's next? A ginormous apocalypse that destroys the whole world? (yaaaaay)

EDIT: This entry is so much like my other one, "It's Sort of Pathetic, Isn't It?". I plagiarized off myself. Or this could indicate something else.